Well, I took me a woman late last night,
I's three-fourths drunk, she looked alright.
Just-a started peelin' off her onion-gook
She took off her wig, an' said, "How do I look?"
I was high-flyin' . . bare-naked . .
Out the window!
Well, sometimes I might get drunk,
Walk like a duck and smell like a skunk.
Don't hurt me none, it don't hurt my pride
'Cause I got my little lady right by my side.
(She's-a tryin' to hide..
Pretendin' she don't know me!)
I's out there paintin' on the old woodshed
When a can of black paint it fell on my head.
I went down to scrub and rub
But I had to sit in back of the tub.
(Cost a quarter..
Half price.)
Well, my telephone rang it would not stop,
It's President Kennedy callin' me up.
He said, "My friend, Bob, what do we need to make the country grow?"
I said, "My friend, John, Brigitte Bardot!
Anita Ekberg,
Sophia Loren."
(Country'll grow!)
Well, I got a woman four feet short,
She yells and hollers and screams and snorts.
She tickles my nose pats me on the head,
Rolls me over and kicks me outta bed.
(She's a man-eater
Meat-grinder
Bad loser!)
Oh, there ain't no use in me workin' all the time,
I got a woman who works herself blind.
Works up to her britches up to her neck,
Writes me letters an' sends me checks.
(She's a humdinger
Folk singer!)
Late one day in the middle of the week,
Eyes were closed I was half asleep.
I chased me a woman up the hill,
Right in the middle of an air raid drill.
(I jumped the fallout shelter
I jumped the tv dinner
I jumped the string-bean
I jumped the shotgun!)
Now, the man on the stand he wants my vote,
He's a-runnin' for office on a ballot note.
He's out there preachin' in front of the steeple,
Tellin' me he loves all kinds-a people.
(He's eatin' bagels
He's eatin' pizza
He's eatin' chitlins!)
Oh, I set me down on the television floor,
I fliped the channel on to number four.
Out of the shower comes a football man
With a bottle of oil in his hand.
(Greasy kid stuff!)
But What I want to know, Mr. Football Man, is
What do you do about Willy Mays,
Martin Luther King?)
Well, the funniest woman I ever seen
Was the great-granddaughter of Mr. Clean.
She takes about fifteen baths a day,
Wants me to grow a moustache on my face.
(She's insane!)
Well, ya ask me why I'm drunk all the time,
It levels my head and eases my mind.
I just walk along and stroll and sing,
I'll see better days and I'll do better things.
(Like catchin' dinosaurs
Make love to Elizabeth Taylor . . .
Catch hell from Richard Burton!)